Why Being Nice Isn’t Always Good
Are you a nice person who doesn't always get treated well?
You probably consider yourself a nice person. But you might wonder when all of your good energy is going to help you create a better life.
My clients tend to be extremely nice people, but often wind up in unhappy relationships. They do so much for everyone else and then feel stressed out at the end of the day.
It seems reasonable that if you are nice to others, people will be nice to you in return. After all, isn’t it good karma to be nice to people? Good karma should come back to you, right? The answer is yes, good karma will come back to you. However, being nice isn’t always good karma!
Oftentimes, we think we are doing the “right” thing by automatically forgiving someone who has wronged us. We may do this to avoid drama, but end up absorbing someone else’s negative energy.
One solution is to not take their actions personally. View that person with compassion, then disengage from that dynamic by choosing self-respect and self-care. When you choose to do that, their negativity becomes a reflection of themselves instead of something for you to absorb. Try that and see how it works for you!
Relationships are an energy exchange
Relationships have a karmic energy exchange. If you think of all relationships as having a measure of energy, where what is given is received, then they are in a reciprocal energy exchange. The scales of karma are then in balance.
Yet, when we are being “nice” instead of standing up for ourselves, or asserting our right to be treated better, or walking away from people who mistreat us, we tip those karmic scales. We attract situations like this to help us correct that balance.
You might want to look at any uncomfortable situation in your life that you seem to attract over and over again, and see if there is a lesson there about a reciprocal energy exchange. You can evaluate whether you are giving too much or too little in that circumstance relative to the outcome, and make appropriate adjustments.
Too, if you are one of these people who try to be “good” all the time and do the right thing, you might want to examine how that plays out in your relationships. Examine whether you are in a reciprocal relationship, or if there is a pattern that needs to be rectified.
You might also want to look at the balance within yourself. Do you have a balance of work and play? Is there a balance with alone time and socializing? Are you giving as well as receiving?
Instead of thinking about whether you are being nice to people, ask if you are being honest with yourself. Being truthful and direct with your feelings (especially with yourself) is the best way to bring harmony and balance into your life. Now that’s nice!